


Don't Mess With Levi's Broom

by KingCharis



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2307875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingCharis/pseuds/KingCharis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren buys Levi a new broom, big mistake...<br/>Turns out Levi is super attached to his old broom and doesn't like the idea of replacing it, even after Eren goes through so much trouble find the perfect broom for Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Mess With Levi's Broom

**Author's Note:**

> Rated Teen+ for Levi's language.

Everyone knows that Levi is oddly attached to his old wooden broom. Everyone knows that Levi will not sweep with anything but his old falling apart wooden broom. Everyone knows that Levi has had his broom since before he even joined the scout regiment. Well, everyone but Eren... however Eren does know that Levi cherishes all his cleaning products, and he never says no to a new one. It just never occurred to him that maybe Levi, humanity’s strongest, has kept his old broom for a reason. He never thought to think that if Levi hadn't wanted that hazardous-splintery broom, he'd get rid of it. You'd think that Levi knew better than to keep something like that, the broom was falling apart for god’s sake, the wood is flaking off, the bristles fall out every time you sweep with it, making a bigger mess, the spine snaps when used with enough force to break a dead brown leaf. But of course Eren being Eren, he thought that Corporal Levi just didn't have the time to get a new one and no one had taken the time to buy him a new one as well. So once Eren had finished cleaning everything Levi had assigned him to, he took it upon himself to go out and buy Levi a new one, which was a big, big mistake.Without knowing what he was about to do Eren went into town and scoured the land for the perfect broom, when finally after a few hours he found one. The broom he got was a sort of shiny grey that almost looked silver, a bit like white gold if you will, made from hard plastic, was long and slender so to fit into small places, the bristles were plastic and thin to easily catch more dust and other unclean things surely to be found on the floor, the handle was a more soft plastic as to not hurt it's user over an extended amount of time. It was quite a fancy broom, so to speak. Once purchased Eren happily walked back to HQ with a slight spring in his step,' this will surely impress Levi' Eren thought to himself 'plus once I give him this I can throw out that splinter shit he calls a broom and no longer finish my chores with bleeding, splinter infested hands' he added. It took a bit but he found Levi in the library sweeping with the very broom Eren is hoping to replace and of course Levi was wearing none other than his typical cleaning attire, a white bandanna on his head to keep his hair out of his face or to keep it clean from dust or dirt (Eren was never sure why he wore it to begin with), a white cloth over his nose and mouth as to not breath in any dust and kept dirt away from his flawless perfectly clean face, his white gloves he always wears and the rest of his uniform minus the khaki jacket. Eren stood there at the door frame and after a moment of pondering ways to bring up Levi's gift, Levi spoke  
''Hey brat, where were you? I was looking for you; I need you to help me clean this dusty shit. Does anyone even use this place anymore? Or is it just Alrert?''.Eren didn’t know how to respond, he didn't know how to tell him he got him something, it wasn't that hard, he just had to say 'Sir, I got you this to help clean' but noo, no, noo, the words wouldn't come out, he felt like a school girl trying to talk to her crush for the first time and he stood there frozen, watching Levi, humanity’s strongest sweep quietly, until after what seemed like forever Levi grew irritated and slightly scold him saying,  
''Well brat, are you just going to stand there, like a fucking dumass, or are you going to do as you’re told and help me clean this fucking dump?''the sudden change of tone of voice and atmosphere startled Eren and he quickly said, thrusting his arm out, silver broom in hand, gesturing Levi to take it,  
''Here Captain, I bought you a better broom, so you can throw that piece of wood shit you call a broom out. It's been giving me splinters so here, take the damn broom I bought you.'' Levi's expression darkened and he stared at the silver broom in front of him, eyeing the offending object, until he scowled.  
"What the fuck. Did you just say to me brat?" he spat at the younger man who at the moment felt so vulnerable and small, he just stood there shocked and took the tongue lashing so graciously given to him by Levi, "What the fuck, did you just call my broom?" he then dropped his wooden broom and gripped Eren by the collar of his jacket, "Who the fuck do you think you are you piece of shit, you dare tell me, I need a better broom, do you even know what brooms are used for? They're fucking used for cleaning, now tell me Jaeger, what the fuck, was I just fucking doing.''  
'' You where cleaning, sir'' Eren said calmly, looking defiantly at Levi, not backing down.  
‘‘Correct, now do you see my broom doing its job? Do see how it’s fucking cleaning? Now tell what the fuck you were doing before''  
“Actually sir the broom isn’t doing anything it’s-“ “DON’T FUCKING PLAY GAMES WITH ME JEAGER. NOW WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU GOT HERE?”  
“I was shopping sir...”  
'' and is that your fucking job? To fucking shop like a fucking school girl??''  
‘'no.. sir...''  
''So explain me this, why was a fucking broom, doing its job when you aren't? And you dare tell me to throw it out, because its giving you fucking splinters'' Levi then in a fit of rage threw Eren to the ground and took hold of broom, “you’re gunna wish you JUST had splinters when I'm fucking done with you Jaeger, you're gunna have splinters up your ASS WHEN IM FUCKING DONE WITH YOU”, that being said Levi proceeded to whack Eren with his broom over and over, hitting him on the head, face, chest, stomach, legs, and well... everywhere really. All the while yelling things at him like ''MAYBE YOU GET SPLINTERS BECAUSE YOURE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, WHO CANT EVEN DO HIS FUCKING JOB, YOU PROBABLY CANT EVEN FUCKING USE A BROOM PROPERLY, MAYBE THAT’S WHY WHENEVER YOU USE IT, IT SNAPS.'' And when he finally finished beating Eren with his broom, Eren was lying on the floor in the fetal position covered in splinters and bruises. Levi scoffed and walked to the door and yelled one last thing "WHEN I GET BACK HERE THIS ENTIRE LIBRARY BETTER BE FUCKING SPOTLESS'' and just before he closed the door he harshly added " MAKE THAT THE WHOLE GOD DAMN BASE AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT THROW THAT PIECE OF PLASTIC SHIT IN THE TRASH WERE IT BELONGS'' and slammed the door, leaving Eren to mutter curses at him; picking splinters out of his every body part that Levi had struck. Even his clothes as splinters stuck in them. Of course Levi had heard Eren’s curses but instead of going back and beating him more (which he was very, very tempted to) Levi just angrily stomped down the hall to his quarters and caressed his old wooden broom with his white gloves and lovingly said  
"like I could ever get rid of you, my sweet broom, you and I have cleaned so much together... there is no other broom for me.... not even those really cool swifter's...."


End file.
